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"Bachelorette" is the ninth episode of the second season of Harley Quinn, and the twenty-second episode of the series overall. It was released on May 29, 2020 on DC Universe.

Synopsis

It's Bachelor/Bachelorette weekend for Ivy and Kite Man.

Plot

Harley, Ivy, Mrs. Freeze, Ivy's kindergarten friend Jennifer, and Catwoman are all aboard an invisible plane ("Apollonian Airlines") to Themyscira for Ivy's bachelorette party, which has been transformed into an all-female resort in Wonder Woman's absence. Harley has taken on the role of organizing the event and is attempting to make sure everyone is happy, but receives only bleak depression from Mrs. Freeze, jaded cynicism from Jennifer, and catlike lazy imperiousness from Catwoman. Undaunted, Harley puts up forced good cheer for Ivy's sake, awkwardly saying that she would marry Kite Man if Ivy didn't and even sniffing her hair as they hug, before coming in to land.

They drive up to the island in an invisible van (getting pelleted with more bird corpses) and meet Eris, Goddess of Discord-turned-resort manager. Ivy finds the entire setup to be oddly "corporate" for the Amazons, and although Eris brushes it off as having been done at Queen Hippolyta's bequest, Ivy and Harley both share a significant glance before heading into the main resort area. There Harley gives out itineraries to each of the guests and sends them off.

Uh, look, I know this isn't like a friend group so much as, like, a disparate collection of strange women I glommed on to during the most difficult stages of my life, so…Poison Ivy on the other members of her bachelorette party

Ivy quickly catches onto Harley's odd, orderly behavior and wonders if anything is amiss, but Harley has nothing but forced cheer and reassurances for Ivy until she heads to her room. The moment she does, Harley's mask cracks and she relaxes, only for Catwoman to comment on the secondhand embarrassment from Harley's obvious fake performance. Catwoman immediately deduces that Harley and Ivy "hooked up", Harley initially denies it, and then finally gushes out over Catwoman - but Catwoman doesn't want to support her emotionally and mocks Harley's self delusions about her feelings fading over time, before walking away.

Meanwhile, Kite Man's bachelor "party" (drinking and solving a puzzle) on the open ocean is far more sedate and happy and honest for everyone involved - except for King Shark, who is hiding in the cabin. Clayface wonders why, given that they're on the open sea that he should theoretically enjoy, but King Shark refuses to elaborate until a lobster named Samson comes aboard. King Shark tries to run from it, but it actually talks to King Shark and calls him "Nanaue", with Frank expressing his astonishment that a lobster could speak (despite the fact that he himself is a talking plant). Kite Man wonders if this is an elaborate setup to "Mermaid strippers" when he specifically did not want strippers, but it turns out that Samson is just here to get King Shark to return to marry Tabitha, in order to avoid war in the kingdoms beneath the sea. King Shark then leaves with Samson to "tell [his] father off".

Hippolyta bewitched

"I am very onboard with this"

Back on Themyscira, the other bridesmaids continue to grump around until Harley snaps, tosses Catwoman amongst them, and angrily demands that they at least act happy and start drinking (overruling Nora's protestations that she's a teetotaler) to give off the appearance of a successful bachelorette party. They attempt to comply, with Catwoman sarcastically saying that the meatless vegan food doesn't actually disappoint her, Nora saying she hasn't actually thought about her dead husband, and even Jennifer appears to be in a positive mood for the first time. Eris then arrives with Queen Hippolyta, who seems bewitched, and mentions at Jennifer's asking that there is an island named Hedonikka nearby with men on it, which Harley immediately decides they'll do next.

On the sea floor, King Shark insists to Samson that he has forsaken his oceanic home and wants Samson to name one good thing better about living in the water. In response, Samson launches into a parodic, vulgar rendition of "Under the Sea" wherein fish all around defecate wherever they want because they are not constrained to toilets, implying this is somehow freeing, much to King Shark's revulsion. He is totally unconvinced to stay underwater, so Samson cuts to the point that hundreds of thousands will die if King Shark does not restore peace, so he agrees to consider marrying Tabitha.

Harley & Ivy wake up together

"Mind-blowing orgasmic sex"

On Hedonikka, Maxie Zeus introduces the God of War himself, who then proceeds to strip dance in front of everyone, much to Jennifer's drunken amusement. Nora, who has been getting heated watching this unfold, eventually loses her restraint and pounces on Maxie Zeus, kissing him fiercely (Catwoman takes this opportunity to pickpocket Maxie Zeus). A drunken Poison Ivy stumbles over with Harley in tow and wraps her arms around Catwoman, blithering on about getting matching "Cobb Squad" tattoos until a disgusted Catwoman can extricate herself. Ivy then turns to Harley and expresses her gratitude for getting the other bridesmaids to actually enjoy themselves, even if they were faking it initially, and then after they both agree that they are best friends, they end up having sex and waking up in bed together.

Ivy panics, having been unfaithful to her fiancé literally days before their marriage, and quickly gets up out of bed while sputtering a string of profanity. As Harley and Ivy both dress, Ivy repeatedly reiterates that they should not have done this and that it can never happen again, with Harley disappointedly agreeing. Harley begins to continue, but Ivy immediately leaves the room once she's dressed and tries to leave the island too, but the only plane on or off the island is off picking up some investors, so she has no choice but to retire to her room until the weekend is over.

Nanaue
I'm picking up some vibes that maybe you don't wanna get married to me.
Tabitha
What gave it away? The fact that I've managed to chain-smoke even though I'm underwater?
— No one wants this marriage

King Shark, now arrayed in armor, arrives at his father's palace in the sunken Titanic where he meets his betrothed just outside the door. Tabitha is a short, portly, jaded hammerhead shark with a gravelly voice from chain-smoking. King Shark tries to make small talk, but it quickly becomes apparent that Tabitha breathes sarcasm as easily as she does water, and King Shark deduces that neither of them want to get married to each other. He then goes inside, meeting his father and Tabitha's father as they shake hands in peace, but he shocks everyone present when he reveals that neither he nor Tabitha want to get married.

Once again on Themyscira, Harley begs Catwoman for advice on how to mollify Ivy, but Catwoman directs Harley to a very hungover Jennifer as the one who's known Ivy the longest. Harley doesn't even bother talking to Jennifer, and instead talks to Ivy through the door, telling her that "you're here, you're queer, get used to it" despite Ivy's painfully obvious discomfort. Ivy insists that it was a mistake and doesn't want to just enjoy the rest of the weekend as Harley suggests, that it can never happen again, but Harley brushes it off and implores Ivy to enjoy the rest of the weekend for her friends' sake, saying that she has a huge surprise planned and that "the weekend can't end like this".

Jennifer
Murder? I don't know. I work in life insurance. … These are bottomless, right?
[Amazonian shakes her head]
Jennifer
Okay, let's kill her.
— When you run out of mimosas

Ivy reluctantly agrees to come out, and at brunch Harley tells the hungover bridesmaids that Eris is actually an enemy of the Amazons who mind-controlled Queen Hippolyta in Wonder Woman's absence, intending to transform the island into a resort for Lex Luthor. Ivy is pleased to be able to kill Eris and restore Themyscira to its natural state, and although Jennifer is initially reluctant, the lack of free alcohol quickly changes her mind to murder. She girds herself with a broadsword while Nora, Ivy, and Harley arm themselves with broken glass, a flower, and a bat respectively.

Back in the remains of the Titanic, King Shark says that he cannot share a clamshell with someone who doesn't even know him, and Tabitha derisively agrees that she doesn't want to share one with him either. Nonplussed, King Shark emphatically insists that he will marry when he is in love, but his father rejects the very concept of marrying for love, and says that if King Shark leaves his kingdom again he may never return. At this point King Shark seems to stand up for himself and hold to his principles, bidding his angry father goodbye. Just before he leaves, he declares that he actually enjoys going to the bathroom in a toilet, which horrifies everyone present.

Cobb Squad tattoo

"Selling out the Amazons to Luthor? You're gonna have to take that shit up with… The Cobb Squad!"

Poison Ivy and co burst into the room just before Queen Hippolyta can sign a contract unifying Themyscira with LexCorp. Ivy takes the moment to show off her brand new "Cobb Squad" tattoo, but everyone around her looks away bashfully as she realizes that no one else got matching tattoos. In order to get away from explaining, Jennifer wades into battle with her broadsword, butchering Amazonian guards while Ivy attacks them with vines and Harley bludgeons another with her bat. Eris ends up getting hit "in the tit" with a vase, so she urges Queen Hippolyta to quickly sign the contract.

Catwoman is bogged down by an Amazonian until Jennifer literally rips her neck open with her teeth. Freed to act, Catwoman uses her whip to dash away the contract papers. Eris grabs them up at Lex Luthor's urging, but Harley smashes her way through the last Amazonian guard and then knocks Eris aside with her bat. Nora tries to disable the TV Lex Luthor is using, or to at least disconnect the HDMI cable, but Harley simply rips the TV off the wall and throws it over a balcony.

Poison Ivy
This is for selling out nature and women and--
Jennifer
Not having bottomless mimosas.
— Jennifer savagely murders Eris over alcohol

At that moment, Jennifer arrives and throws Eris herself off the balcony too, killing her, apparently for the sole reason that there wasn't any bottomless alcohol. Eris' death frees Queen Hippolyta, and Harley informs her that she and her crew just saved Themyscira. In response, Queen Hippolyta declares that they will celebrate their victory in the ancient tradition of the Amazons: "we're gonna have a fucking rager". During said party, Ivy tells Harley that she's glad she came out of her room to have such a fun and lively time. They both compliment each other, and yet again they end up sleeping with each other.

Waking up again to find herself in bed with Harley, Ivy becomes completely incoherent in her panic this time, the only intelligible bits being a rambling complaint about how they were supposed to have never done this again. Harley agrees, but then becomes bold and asks why exactly they "can't do this". Harley brings Ivy to look out over the sunrise and asks her if she doesn't want to feel this good all the time, be closer than ever, their whole lives doing whatever they want together. She tells Ivy she loves her, and asks her to think about it.

Tabitha and I worked it out. We'll stay married publicly, but we're each allowed to have secret relationships. I mean, sure, we could probably get along and have a very milquetoast marriage, but I don't want that. I wanna be with someone who excites me. Where love isn't safe, the kind of love that doesn't have limits. I want a soulmate.King Shark

King Shark returns to the surface and reports that while he did stand up to his father, a few minutes later he went back inside and got married to Tabitha. He apparently just wanted to make clear to his father that he wasn't happy about it, and even managed to work out a system with Tabitha where both of them could have their own secret relationships while staying married publicly to keep the peace beneath the sea. He claims that he wants a soul mate, which Kite Man heartily agrees with, although he was surprised to learn that King Shark never proposed (nor was he rejected) even once, compared to the multiple times Ivy rejected Kite Man.

Puppydog face

Harley gazes back at Ivy

Everyone makes it back home: Jennifer meets up with her husband and finally accepts the nickname "Jen", and Nora brings Maxie Zeus home with her. Ivy herself then debarks from the invisible plane, tells Harley she thought on what she said, and ultimately concludes that "I trust you with my life, but I don't trust you with my heart." As Harley begins to cry, Ivy says she'll be marrying Kite Man, who shows up just then offering to make some chili and relax at home. He picks Ivy up, but Ivy looks back at a stricken Harley Quinn for a long moment before nodding to Kite Man, at which point he flies away with her in his arms.

Devastated, Harley breaks down sobbing.

Cast and Characters

Main Cast

Guest Cast

Cameos

Trivia

Gallery

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